


Simon Lewis: Human Disaster Extraordinaire

by Ayanfe



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: College AU, F/F, Jace doesn't know what to do with feelings, M/M, Simon Lewis & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Simon is an endearing human disaster
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:43:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayanfe/pseuds/Ayanfe
Summary: Simon is going to murder his past self. Why did he ever think being friends with benefits with Jace Wayland was going to work out well?





	Simon Lewis: Human Disaster Extraordinaire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I've spent all summer with my family, which means I've barely used English in months, so sorry if this first chapter is rough.

Simon is going to nail this interview.

He is cool, calm, and collected. Truly the James Bond of the computer science department. He’s even wearing a nice button-down shirt that Clary helped him pick out.

Okay, sure, the interview is just for a position at his university’s campus tech support - 24/7 phone support for the desperate undergrad writing a term paper at 2AM.

But it’s a _job_ . A real job that pays real money and will give him relevant experience in his major. And sure, the university hires students instead of people with actual degrees to keep their costs down, but really, fuck capitalism and fuck the system that encouraged educational institutes to run themselves like corporations, but _whatever,_ because they have one of the top CS programs in the country and-

Point is. He’s going to nail this interview.

He takes a deep breath and pushes open the door with the smooth confidence of Idris Elba, ready to smile at the receptionist and remember their name and-

Well then.

“Hello?” He says into the small, empty room filled with computers and not much else. There’s an abandoned headset by one of the stations.

One of the chairs swivels and reveals easily the most gorgeous girl he’s ever seen, and Simon is way too pansexual to deal with this.

“Hi,” the girl says, ruby lips curling into a dangerous smile. Fuck, Simon will gladly let this girl punch him in the face. “You must be the new guy. I’m Izzy.”

“I, uh.” It takes him a couple seconds to remember how to speak English. Girls like this don’t usually smile at guys like Simon, unless they want someone to do their calculus homework. “I’m not new. Uh, not yet. Hopefully, maybe. I...have an interview?”

Izzy smiles, sweet and amused. “No you don’t. From what I’ve heard, you’re starting today.”

Okay, now he’s really confused. “I got the job?”

“What’s your name?”

“Simon Lewis.”

“Okay, Simon. Let me be honest with you. You were the only applicant.”

Oh. He...He has no idea how to feel about that. On one hand, money. On the other, he practiced his interview skills for nothing and is getting the job by default.

“If you want, I can interview you anyway? Since you probably brushed up on your interview skills and did research,” Izzy offers, eyes bright, like she’d be delighted to fake-interview him.

Simon finds himself agreeing, laughing nervously.

Izzy makes a big show of grabbing some random papers, shuffling them and straightening them and studying them carefully. “So...Simon Lewis, right?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he grins.

“Are you aware that the job you’re applying for is tech support?”

“...Yes.”

“And you want the job?”

“Yes?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes…”

“ _Really?_ ”

Simon laughs. “Oh my god, Izzy. Yes, I want the job. Is it really that bad here?”

“Oh, I have no idea, I don’t work here. I’m studying forensic science.”

Simon blinks and promptly brainfails. “Then how - I, what are?”

Izzy giggles. “My brother works here. He’s just out in the hall taking a phone call. I stopped by to see him before my next class. He’s going to give you the whole orientation. Maybe. He’s not exactly gregarious.”

Simon nods, trying to hide his nerves. “That’s fine. Cool. I mean, I’m sure I can figure it out. I got my first walkie-talkie when I was seven.” Now why the hell would he say that?

Izzy’s smile changes into something almost sympathetic. “Don’t worry. Here give me your phone.”

Simon hands it over without thinking twice.

“I’m giving you my number. If Alec’s being an asshole, text me _911_ and I’ll come yell at him. He won’t hold it against you either. He’s well-aware that he sometimes needs to be slapped upside the head. And if it gets really bad, text me _code red_ , and I’ll tell Alec’s boyfriend to Skype him and give him the Ultimate Look of Disappointment.”

Simon has something witty and funny to say about that, but his irrefutably clever remark is cut off by (who he assumes is) Alec, who drops into the chair by the abandoned headset and puts it on.

“Are you gossiping about me already, Izzy?” Alec sighs.

Simon totally judges him within that first three seconds. Alec is as pretty as Izzy, he totally has the whole tall-dark-and-handsome thing going for him, but his first look at Simon is definitely a glare and he has a severe, probably incurable, case of Resting Bitch Face.

Izzy takes it in stride, and Simon starts to understand the fuss about 911 and code reds. She fakes a gasp, hand to her chest. “Now Alec, would I ever do that?”

“Yes.” Alec turns on Simon next. “So you work here now. Orientation time. This is the simplest job you’ll ever do. Wear the headset, answer calls and tell people how to fix their tech problems. You get paid every two weeks. If you’re not busy, you’re allowed to study and do homework. Orientation over.”

Alec answers a call just then and leaves Simon wondering when the hell the Q&A portion is.

Izzy gives him a look that says _See what I mean?_

He absolutely does.

“...Now you should be able to reset your password,” Alec says flatly, “Wonderful. I’m so happy I could help. Have a nice day.”

Simon feels the urge to apologize to whoever is on the other end of that call. He shoots Izzy a worried look, but she just seems like she’s trying not to laugh. When Alec hangs up, he asks, “Are you...allowed to talk to callers like that?” He’s pretty sure that people who work in customer service are supposed to have a lot more _pep_.

“If you’re halfway competent and don’t quit after three weeks, you can do pretty much anything you want,” Alec tells him.

Simon laughs, thinking maybe the guy just had a dry sense of humor, but judging by the glower Alec sends him, laughing is the wrong response.

Alec sighs, like Simon has thoroughly disappointed him in some major way he’ll never be privy to, and tosses him a headset. “You get paid by the hour.”

Simon fumbles the headset, nearly drops it like the human disaster Clary says he is, and it’s only by Izzy’s grace that he doesn’t do something stupid like accidentally crush it with his sneakers.

Izzy stands after she ascertains that Simon is done mimicking a seal playing football. “Well I need to get going.”

Simon looks at her so fast, eyes wide and pleading behind his glasses, he’s 98% sure he sprains his neck.

Izzy gives him an apologetic look, then shrugs as if it doesn’t really matter - which, _rude_ , but totally expected, potential-supermodels have no obligation to protect the general population from their grumpy brothers.

She kisses Alec’s cheek and tousles his hair, which really makes no difference whatsoever. “Love you, Alec. Don’t be a dick, I’ll see you at home.”

“Love you too, Izzy,” Alec says, probably purposely ignoring the second part.

Izzy surprises Simon by pausing to press a kiss on _his_ cheek too. “Good luck,” she tells him, and Alec doesn’t even blink at his sister kissing a guy she just met. Simon checks in the screen of a computer after she leaves, and honestly, he’s a little disappointed that there’s no lipstick mark because that leaves him with no proof that it actually happened, but mostly he’s just impressed and wants to text Izzy and ask her what brand she uses, just out of sheer curiosity.

It only takes a few seconds for Simon to realize that he has gotten himself stuck in a supremely uncomfortable situation, sitting in a room with only Alec to keep him company.

Only it’s _worse_ , because it’s the sort of uncomfortable where the other person doesn’t realize it’s uncomfortable. Which means Simon has to pretend like he isn’t uncomfortable, which only makes him more uncomfortable, and by God, it is a vicious, vicious cycle.

It takes precisely four minutes and forty two seconds - he knows from staring at the clock - for Simon to break, taking the silence with him. “So, uh, are there some common problems people call with? Things that get repeated a lot?” Simon asks, thinking the information will be helpful to know. It’s a smart question, no way Alec can deny that.

Alec shrugs. “Most of the calls we get are from morons who don’t know to update their software. And you _will_ have to talk people through how to restart their computers.”

Simon represses the urge to laugh, just in case this another non-joke. “Right...So do you think I’ll enjoy working here?” And he’s not an idiot, he can infer that this is not a beloved job, but he’s trying to make conversation with his new co-worker, dammit.

“Only if you like being verbally abused,” Alec says, a hint of a chirp in his voice for the first time, but before Simon can figure out to laugh, they get a call and Alec answers it quickly, but not at all happily.

“Good afternoon, this is Alec with campus tech support, how can I help you?”

Alec runs through a few questions about the reason for calling, the man on the phone getting louder by the second, to the point where Simon can nearly make out the exact words he’s saying from five feet away.

Meanwhile, Alec sits there, completely calm. “Okay sir, can you tell me-” Alec presumably gets cut off. He waits, humming acknowledgements before speaking again. “Yes, thank you for the stunningly accurate comments about my mother, I wasn’t aware you’d met. Now can you tell me the make and model of your laptop?...Oh it’s silver, thank you, that’s very important information. Now if you look at the back of the screen, what do you see? Any writing or logos?...Lenovo, great.”

Simon tunes out the rest of the call, vaguely horrified and wondering what he’s just gotten himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is substantially shorter than future ones will be, just a heads up. I have this story outlined.
> 
> Comment if you think I should continue? This might turn out to be nothing, in which case, I'll just go back to working on this multi-chapter Malec fic I have planned out.
> 
> Jace makes an appearance in the next chapter!


End file.
